How To Get Her Back To Your Place After A Date

Written by Mark D. Burg 

Everything is connected. There's no such thing as getting to a point during a date where you think "Ok, now I need to get her to my place." 

It's best if you start setting this up from the start, from the moment you say "Hi" to her. 

Before I continue, let's make sure we are on the same page. 

In this article, I will not tell you what to do during the date to make the girl feel attracted to you. I assume you already know how to do that. 

What I will do is point out what to look for and what to do to increase your chances of getting her back to your place. 

One other thing, with a date I mean meeting a girl not too far from your place and going to at least one venue for a drink. The apparent reason for the date is to Netflix and chill at yours at the end of it. All clear, cool! Let's move on ... 

When you meet a girl and take her to the first venue, drop a subtle hint that you live close by. 

You could say something like: "This is a great area. I know it pretty good. I actually live only five minutes away". See if she is warm to that idea. 

Typically she will say nothing. That's not a bad sign. It's best if you start touching her whenever possible. Not creepy or awkward of course. But you could, for example, gently push her lower back giving her the signal to cross the street. If she starts touching you back, that's a great sign. 

If you can, try to go for a kiss. If you can't, change to a more private venue, and try to go for a kiss there. If she kisses you, you're way more likely to get her to your place. 

Also, if you kiss her at the first venue, you typically would not need to go to a second venue and can take her straight to your place. If you were not able to kiss her at the first venue, see if there is an opportunity to do so on the way to the second venue. If not, don't worry. 

The second venue should be more private with dimmed lights and quiet corners. Do your homework and select a suitable one near your place beforehand. 

If you have done it right, she has noticed throughout the date that you are a smart guy who can read between the lines. She saw that you understand when and how to touch her and when to let go. She knows that you're a man who knows what a 'No' is, so she trusts that you know how to behave if she is alone with you. She also knows that you can be a playful beast who will savage her if she wants that. 

Girls always need plausible deniability. 

At the second venue, towards the end of the date, give her an excuse to go to your place. Girls always need plausible deniability, so never say that you want to take her home to have sex.

Say something like, "Hey, it's a bit loud here" or "There are too many people here. How about if we go somewhere less crowded? My place is only five minutes away and I have a nice bottle of wine that is waiting to be opened.", or any other plausible excuse you can think of.

 

You should always expect pushback from girls. That's normal and part of the mating dance.

Her first response might be, "I'm not going to your place" or "We're not going to have sex." 

That's something you should expect, so don't worry and stay calm. Humor paired with clear leadership and easy logistics is your best friend here.

Getting the "We're not going to have sex." is sometimes better than the "I'm not going to your place" because she is still keen to go to your place. She just doesn't want to appear too easy. It's also a good sign because sex is on her mind already, and she knows it's on yours too. 

The important thing is to remain calm.

As mentioned, humor is your best tool here, but don't be a clown. Be subtle. It's a smirk, not laughter. 

Your humor should highlight your confidence and intelligence, not entertainment or insecurity. 

When girls show some resistance to going to my place, I typically say something like: "What do you think is gonna happen? I'm a virgin, I don't know what to do even if I want to, haha" or "Hey, I know how to control myself but I'm not sure if you can control yourself." 

And then I say with a slight smirk, "Come on. You know you are fine with me. Get your coat". 

You pay the bill because you have a stable income and your life in order. Never make a big thing about paying. 

It's way more important how you are saying things than what you actually saying.

It's a bit harder if she says, "I'm not going to your place." This means she's not ready yet. In that case, I always ask her, "Why?"

Her answer allows me to address her real or token concerns, which will give her all the reasons to follow my lead. Understand that it's way more important how you are saying things than what you are actually saying.

You can't appear desperate or aggressive. You need to be calm and confident while taking it not too seriously. 

Again, I usually ask her, "What do you think is going to happen?" and paint an innocent picture of how we will have a wonderful time at my place. 

Besides, you can give her another excuse like your place is just way nicer, way warmer. 

You don't want to talk so loud all the time (or anything you don't like about the place you're in at the moment). Maybe have another drink, touch her a bit more and kiss her more intensely or give her a bit of space if she needs it. Then ask her to go to your place again, and if she still says no, take her for a walk. 

You can then build some more comfort and kiss her more gently or roughly, whatever the current situation requires. Try to get her to your place again by using another excuse. 

You need to try at least three times, and if she keeps saying no, that means she's really not ready, and you should respect that. Maybe try a fourth time but then let her go or order her an Uber. Never give up too early, it's all part of the seduction dance. 

Important: Stay calm and lead! 

When you're walking or taking an Uber to your place, focus on building comfort. She's already going to your place, so there is no need to be funny or entertaining. Let her talk. 

You already built attraction, now all you need to do is not to freak her out. Emotions are contagious; if you are calm, then she will be too. 

If you follow the advice above and she changed venues with you, responded well to your touch and your kiss, and had a few drinks, there's a very high probability that she will go to your place. Enjoy!